A Mind Fragmenting

Project Statement

Mental illness runs in my family; I was a young girl when I first witnessed psychosis. I was home alone with my grandmother when she said a “dirty” word and then nibbled on a bar of soap. This was the first of many psychotic breaks I would witness throughout my life. This memory, as well as many others like it, informs my questioning of how people perceive reality.

A psychotic episode is a very painful and disorienting experience to observe. Since I can only imagine what psychosis feels like, photography has become a way for me to visualize what I have witnessed and an attempt to understand the experiences of my family members. What might it feel like when psychosis creeps in? When associations loosen and connections proliferate in a world where everything relates somehow and no-how to no-thing? Where the familiar morphs to the unfamiliar? Where external and internal worlds push through ever-widening holes in boundaries that shift and merge, while dissolving back and forth.

Photography and psychosis share a basis in perception. A psychotic mind distorts what it perceives. I try to capture this distortion by carefully positioning my camera to creatively juxtapose what is inside a store window with reflections in the glass. By using this technique, I create new realities in which the view inside the window merges with the reflection. Because of the precision this takes, my photographic process is slow and mindful. Making photographs grounds me in the present moment when my life feels out of control.

This project was created while I was a student in the Griffin Museum of Photography’s Atelier program. View the Project Page on the Atelier’s Website and on the Griffin Museum’s Website.